You wish you could go back to having him gripe about your parking. You wish you could go back to him waking you up at 4:30 am when you told him the night before that your alarm was set for 5:30. You wish that you could go back to the two televisions just a room apart blaring at full volume.
Even at the time when you were finding so many of the things your father did annoying, you knew that you would long for these days some time in the future. The grief support group that you meet with has helped you acknowledge what you are missing.
As the older of two daughters you were always the one to spend time with your father. There were months at a time, of course, when the schedule of your own husband and two daughters kept you busy, but every five or six months you were able to carve out some time to spend with your father. The most epic trip, of course, was the time you drove 907 in one day.
End of Life Care Requires a Number of Important Journeys
On that day in September you and your father were concluding a trip down south to visit your younger daughter at college. The impetus for the visit was to attend the college’s annual book bazaar. Everything that you had read indicated that the gym floor would be lined with tables completely covered in books. Some of the press releases indicated that they would sell as many as 30,000 books during the two day event.
What you could not have imagined, of course, was that your father would get so angry in the parking lot that he would enter the space in a foul mode, and declare that he was done shopping just 15 minutes after you arrived. He said that he would wait in the hall, but you knew that things were not going to get any better for him. After another 10 minutes browsing through books and making a few purchases, you, too, were in the hallway ready to call it a day. Returning to the truck, your father was again reminded of his anger and frustration. After yelling at you about the first space where you parked, you backed up and pulled into another spot. When your father got ready to get out, his hand slipped on the door handle and the heavy door swung open and slammed into the sideview mirror of a much tinier economy vehicle parked a few feet away. The driver was in the car enjoying her air conditioning before the book sale began and was more than frustrated. She did not ask for your father’s name or insurance, but some 48 hours later your father was convinced that she was going to call in a hit and run to the police.
That fear, and several others that surfaced during the weekend, were some of the first signs for you of how much your father had aged since you last traveled together. He was more confused, more irritable, and, quite simply, more scared. On several occasions he would comment that he was glad that you were back even when you had not left the house and were only sitting in the next room. The fact that you were traveling in his pickup for this trip was not unusual, but you were even more aware that his truck meant his rules, his comfort zone, and one small way that he could try to remain in control of situations that were increasingly slipping away from him.
Grief Support Groups Attempt to Help Survivors Deal with the Most Difficult of Losses
End of life care is a challenge. From palliative treatments to hospice services, the road to end of life care is exhausting. You are tired, you are overwhelmed, you are often simply going through the motions of day to day life. Recent studies show nearly 98% of hospice care service is conducted at the routine home care level. For some family members, this makes it easier to be prepared for a loved one’s death. In fact, grief support is different from family members who have watched their loved one struggle. Finding a grief support group can help with life’s most difficult transitions.